Lesson Learned.

"The next time you are called to suffer, pay attention.
It may be the closest you'll ever get to God."
-Max Lucado

People are unfair. Circumstances are unjust. You trusted and you turned out to be fooled. You were honest just to know that somebody was playing pranks on you. How ironic things could be, how people could become so hellaciously obnoxious. I believe, I was called to suffer and I never missed the opportunity of being in deep lamentations. I cried, I poured my heart out, I paid close attention and there I was, I was in the peak of my humanity - I have learned to control my heart. There I was, in the closest position to God. I never knew that it was possible, but it is - it actually is possible. It's only in the dark that I fully understood that my own strength and my own ways were not enough. There and then, I learned that I am nothing without God's hands upholding me near Him. It is only in the dark that one's light could shine brightest.

I could have done something stupid in exchange of what was done to me. But then, I knew that it was not the appropriate response. Terri McPherson once said, “A wise and understanding heart does not repay a hurt with a hurt. In doing so, the heart is diminished. Fissures form. Love leaks out. Every pain given in return for one received, changes the contents of the heart. It is no longer defined by love, wisdom and understanding. It is redefined by the bearers of hurt and hate, pain and prejudice, meanness and madness, sorrow and sadness. You give away control of your very own heart.”

I’m just glad to know that my heart is capable of giving a piece of it to someone unknown by giving away trust. However, it was fooled, it was hurt. Nevertheless, I know, I can say that my heart is something to be proud of. I, now, can control it. I, now, can lead it. Yes, it is wrong to follow my heart because it can deceive me; ergo I decided to take the lead.

“Love is not always warm and fuzzy.
Sometimes it's the integrity we hold on to when we're tempted to strike back.
Sometimes it's the honor that keeps us from exchanging the
valuable contents of our heart
for the harsh satisfaction of lashing back.”
-Terri McPherson

No, you need not sympathize neither show pity for this was not made for that. Writing was never , is never, and will never be intended for that kind of motive. I don’t please readers… I write for the sake of doing it and for the sake of expressing myself in ways that are highly impressionistic imaginative. I do not write to give people vomit of words because that is really awful and pathetic – and I am not awfully pathetic.

Lessons learned tonight will be well-kept in the depths of my being. It will live through as long as there are tomorrows. I know in time, things that are silent will be redeemed and revived, if not soon perhaps later. Time is fleeting that is why there could be no moment of ennui. Dee Edgett said, “The fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tight, the best way to keep love is to give it -- WINGS!”

“Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart.”
–Psalm 27:14

Be True Blue.

Time check: 5:48 PM

“If we suffer wrongfully, if we are misunderstood or despised, we must think of Him who was pure and holy, and who prayed for those who nailed Him to the cross, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.””
–short story, The Leaf from Heaven

Long ago, I remember writing something about how fleeting life is. And because of that, we must live our lives free from grudge, remorse or any other negative emotions available in this world. I’m not saying that feeling that way is unacceptable; it’s just that we must learn how to release these inconsequential emotions as soon as we thoroughly felt them. Then, forthwith press on.

How I wish to handpick things the way I want them to be done, but haplessly I cannot. I credit the cliché which claims that time has its own phase of getting along with things, but I lament with the idea of the more I wait for it to act on its own, the more it does not. It’s the time where in things appear to be more ironic, paradoxical, and sarcastic.

Now, I enter into the realm of figurative languages and idiomatic expressions, where in every images have their own implied meaning. Understanding them now depends on how am I going to interpret the things I see and hear. I can choose to use the figure of speech, conceit, which means an elaborate or strained metaphor, by this I could allow fanciful ideas to float and swim inside my mind to wash away the negative thoughts hovering around. I can choose to be a boneheaded in utilizing my skills when it comes to idioms, meaning, I could be numbly stupid to just keep silent and assume that thinking positive is a good counter attack in all of the situations. Fine. I never question the authenticity of that fact. It’s just that, more often than not, skeletons in the closet are just too big to hide plus, there are things that really get into my nerves that pushes me to rake over the ashes.

Some are just too close minded that they cannot see and hear the things behind a situation. They invent their highly imaginative stories just so they could convince others that they are the ones correct. Paulo Coelho’s novel entitled, Veronika Decides to Die, states that “People can be deaf because in their subconscious they do not want to hear.” The line manifests in one’s life during the times that someone is too absorbed with his or her own beliefs – not entertaining other people’s point of view and explanations. Truly, how bleak people could become…

“We will never know how high we are until we called to rise,” from the film of the American Legend, Seabiscuit. Getting into a higher level of something requires courage and perseverance, all because it is never easier to climb up a ladder than to go down. Nevertheless, we are rest assured that we will have a better and more ample horizon to look upon when we reach the top.

Thankfully, my Starmaker is alive, not only alive, but He is also just and kind. He knows an entire story without having any bias. I will continually hold into patience while waiting for that day when my Starmaker will redeem my heart as well as my loved ones' heart. Surely, overflowing bliss will outshine and will be known through my true blue smile.

Time check: 7:17 PM

God’s Greatest Hit

If I am not mistaken, the very first time I laid my feet on the podium of SSN’s sanctuary to sing on a Sunday service was on January 2, 2004. The worship leader then, assigned me to sing the solo part of the song I Offer My Life to You. I was so nervous that moment to the extent that I really felt my knees shivering and there was nothing I can do to stop it from doing so. Everything was a big dilemma. Hitting the right tone at the right timing, standing straight, picking up the appropriate clothes, holding a microphone the right way, even swaying and mingling with the music were a whole lot difficult to do. Mainly because… I am still unconvinced that I am worthy to stand there and be a part of the team that channels people into worship.

Now, I am glad to say that I can dictate my knees when it should shiver or not, I can now distinguish the right tone and the right timing before I open my mouth to the utter the lyrics, I can now stand straight, I have the appropriate wardrobe to choose from for a Sunday service, I have learned to hold the microphone properly, I can now jive and groove with the music our band generates. And I am a whole lot happier that nothing really changed with my last problem the moment I started singing… I am still unconvinced that I am worthy to stand before the congregation and be a part of a team that bridges people into worship.

I simply am not worthy to be where I am now… but see it is already 2009 and I am still holding a microphone every Sunday and it is a must to take note that I am (and the rest of the team) are now using wireless ones. This is not bragging or whatsoever, this is one way of telling to the world how God blessed us through the years – how He remained faithful to us, up until this very moment that we are called the Alabaster Team.

I thoroughly thank the Lord for without Him upholding me with His arms, I doubt if I could reach this far. This may not be too far, if being far it self is concerned, but with the many battles I have won because of this team ever since January 2, 2004, I can proudly say that all of these are close enough to being far. Yes, I know, God is not done with me yet and today I willingly say that it is all fine with me to be used more for His works. Probably, some things today are not fine but I believe that in His graciously perfect time, things will work out for the better and the best.

I may be clumsy enough to bump myself into mishaps and all but I have something in my heart today… I want to become that someone He will be proud of. I want to be God’s greatest hit! : )

-----------------

* I posted this in Alabaster Team's Yahoo group. : )

Renewed. Restored. Reborn.

Renewed. Restored. Reborn.
by: MGC

Quiet Oh my soul
Satisfy my insatiable thirst
Render me a song of serenity
Oh how I want to be renewed

Provide a path that leads to love
Empty my heart from agony and distrust
And all the bitterness be put into vacuum
Oh how I want to be restored

Love me for love's sake
As I offer You everything I have
My heart, my mind, my soul are Yours
Oh how I want to be reborn



---

I wrote this when I was at the Touch of Glory Prayer Mountain last November 15, 2008.
I simply can't help not to love God. :' )